We say:
"I can't."
Then immediately feel as though the sentence is incomplete.
So we add:
I've got work.
I'm exhausted.
It's been a difficult week.
I've already promised someone else.
And…
As though a simple "no" only becomes respectable once accompanied by a full case for the defence.
We explain why we didn't go.
Why we took so long to reply.
Why we changed our mind.
Why we no longer want the same relationship.
Why we chose a different career.
Why we need some distance.
Sometimes we explain things nobody actually asked us to explain.
Perhaps many of us learnt quite early that wanting — or not wanting — something was never quite enough.
As children, "I don't want to" was not always considered a valid answer.
There had to be a reason.
We grew older, but somehow the courtroom remained.
So now we don't simply make decisions.
We prepare arguments proving that we are entitled to make them.
The strange thing is that the more we explain, the more room we sometimes give other people to negotiate.
"I can't come because I'm tired."
"Just come for an hour."
"I've got work tomorrow."
"We won't stay late."
And suddenly we are no longer explaining a decision.
We are defending it.
Not necessarily because the other person means badly, but because reasons can be negotiated.
A decision, sometimes, simply belongs to the person making it.
This is not an argument for becoming cold, refusing everyone and closing the door.
Some relationships deserve an explanation.
Some people are entitled to understand decisions that directly affect them.
And when we hurt someone, an apology may genuinely be owed.
But not every choice requires a trial.
And not everyone who asks "why?" has an unlimited right to the answer.
Perhaps growing up means learning the difference between explaining ourselves out of love and respect…
and explaining ourselves because we are frightened that other people will not give us permission to live as we choose.
At some point, there is something simple we have to accept:
Someone may be disappointed by your decision.
They may disagree with it.
They may even misunderstand you.
And it can still be yours to make.
Sometimes you do not need a better argument.
You simply need to stop treating your own life like an application awaiting approval.
— Malek Ayoub